| They'll be days when I stray; I may appear to be possibly out of reach |
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| *sigh* |
[04-18-09 @ 2:33pm] |
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mood |
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 lethargic |
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music |
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utada hikaru - merry xmas (fyi) |
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life has been treating me good lately, can't lie but I'm still a little idk pensive
Its almost May and this is a very crucial month. I need to figure where I'm gonna be going after I get my credits at FIU for my major, and then transfer to either nyc or LA
one of my closest friends is leaving to spain and I won't be seeing her until I summon enough $$ to save for a trip. god I'm gonna miss you noe :( you better update your LJ and take pictures with barbie until the real one comes in town LOL I'm gonna need to give you my old school IBM webcam so we can cam chat
I swear I think i'm gonna live in a ball filled with thoughts and just think my life away, I need to get out for some air.
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| unemployment&graduation. |
[01-14-09 @ 4:47pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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for the first time in 4 years ..I'm unemployed.
I've had a steady job since 17, I mean the first oppurtunity for independence came I jumped directly at it..I just wanted my independence from my house, my family, i needed it I kept telling myself. I need the money to save..
but its been 4 years and all I've been able to save is my inheritance my grandma left me..I'm broke as fuck and now I'm wondering..what the hell happened to me?
I literally lived in this blur..i was imagining that I'd meet a guy who'd somehow relinquish me and somehow make me grow mentally and would travel with me but I never met him and I don't think I ever will. I am so shallow and selfish, but I'll never change I deserve nothing less than the best.
At least not here,
I've been given the opportunity by my aunt to visit North Carolina this year, prepaid flight and course I'll be staying with her and I think I'm going to go during spring break instead of summer. I need a taste of the outside.
along with the fact I've been working nonstop..I never learned how to drive so the past few months I've been on and off trying to drive and I'm getting good. I'm terrible at turns and stopping and I need to seriously get good at that ..those are like the main components of driving.
My last job wants me back and i think they kinda do need me back..I feel guilty for leaving but i can't jump back..that'd be selfish and impatient too. There is a reason why my position at Kensington Park Elem got frozen and I got fucked over. I mean I had everything done, information, signed all papers, something has lead to this moment that I really must take this oppotunity to expirience life without the obligation of working and helping others ..and start working and helping myself. I'll be graduating this semester, no funny business I was meant to graduate 2 semesters ago and i held myself back.
I feel at peace letting this out.
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| sometimes I wonder |
[10-23-08 @ 8:45pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
] |
if I had given you nothing
would you respect me the way I wished you would?
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| I know this book is going to give me more insanely trippy zombie dreams |
[10-10-08 @ 12:53am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
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music |
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mia- hussel |
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but I love Alice in Wonderland
“Fury said to a
mouse, That he
met in the
house,
‘Let us
both go to
law: I will
prosecute
you.—Come,
I’ll take no
denial: We
must have a
trial; For
really this
morning I’ve
nothing
to do.’
Said the
mouse to the
cur, ‘Such
a trial,
dear sir,
With
no jury
or judge,
would be
wasting
our
breath.’
‘I’ll be
judge, I’ll
be jury,’
Said
cunning
old Fury:
‘I’ll
try the
whole
cause,
and
condemn
you
to
death’.”
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| fortune? |
[10-08-08 @ 8:42pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
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music |
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ugh home movies rerun on tv :/ |
] |
omg I finally understand the pain of "breaking a nail"
holy shit
someone remind me to never do acrylix again, no matter how cute and stylish it is!
owwwww :(
so anyway I am lucky enough to say that this semester classes have been getting me a bit more focused although today I gave myself such a huge break..terrible :/ but yeah my classmates are nice and pretty social. wolfson is a bit different on the fact that it can be social but most of the time you're on your own. I'm used to being alone , but company is always nice and motivating..idk if I'm making much sense.
yesterday when I was on the elevator on campus leaving class when I got in a small convo with this old man named Raul . he read my palm and the first thing he said was "difficult personality"
I laughed and said really? and he said yes. he also said I had potential to be clairvoyant. funny thing was he was an architect lmao I dunno if he was psychic but I dunno a part of me believed him. he said I imagine you like the sea alot (i'm whiter than snow mind you) and I'm like yes I love the sea :)
these past few days have been good to me, last week too! I saw Nick & Norah on opening night just like I wanted too :D I loved it. made me hate dislike Kat Dennings a little lesser!
I think I'm beginning to see my path much clearer and hopefully I'll be where I want to be by the end of this year.
:) just 22 days left to my favorite holiday!!! I can't wait to whore it out this year, me and my friends have alot planned.
all I can say is
bom chicka wa wahhh arrrrrrrrr!
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| unrequited love |
[10-01-08 @ 8:18pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
] |
i'm at the docks and in the back of my mind all I hear is the ticking of
the clock that legs has been broken stricking back and forth just waiting
waiting
walking on the sand I see the faces of those of whom I've loved and they are all wet
they are urging me to jump
to walk the bridge that leads up and not forward
but I hesitate at the cold feel of her shoulder
I back away and I turn around
there you are , there you'll be.
are you waiting
waiting
for me?
-----------
Abraham Cowley wrote of the emotion (in "Anacreontiques: Or, Some Copies of Verses Translated Paraphrastically out of Anacreon"):
"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
( and now its survey chain time )
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| glass half empty |
[09-04-08 @ 1:20am] |
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mood |
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& upset. |
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I love how people say "well you don't know what that person may be going through" ect ect when you're disrespected and treated badly by them.
wow
I wish I had that much optimism.
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| never fails to amaze me how things begin to fall into place |
[09-02-08 @ 1:38am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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all time low - poppin champagne |
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so I feel I should update more often altho at this point I feel my only reader is the ever faithful and awesomely awesome Cassandra ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) weirded but alas I did realize something last night when reading past entries that I seemed more at ease letting out the good the bad and the whatev on my old blogs. Its like therapy I think and I really had an awesome day today that I realized well
blogging = therapy + good days
I loved today although I haven't been able to do my roots that are horridly black right now ;-; tomorrow will be the first day I take my Literature class and I think I'm gonna face a thousand notes in Psyc tomorrow...I can sense it. I hear thursday a hurricane will hit..I sota hope it does! haha it will give me more time to work on my french hw
I spent the day today with my friends it was alot of fun, I hung out with Janice I wore my new amazing adorable top and freakingly cute necklace I bought its Betsey Johnson... I love all her jewelry. <3 and then later on in the day Noe came over to mi casa and we all watched together the season premiere of Gossip Girl which btw was good but I was expecting a bit more. lolz it was good tho! I liked it haha I think Blair is getting lied to tho by this new Brit royalty guy idk.. poor Chuck tho I hate it when guys realize what they lost too late. but he deserves to get ditched by Blair! he is a dumbass playboy and thats what he gets. douche D: still tho it'd be nice that they got back together later on in the season haha I must admit I have taken such a liking to Chuck he's so stylish and evil.
I might watch that season premiere of 90210 but I doubt I'll be able to catch it all since my class is at night ughh. I've never been a fan of it tbh or most of these shows. the only drama's I've only been into from what I remember were Buffy, Roswell, and does Hercules count? lol!
its so late and I have to wake up early tomorrow so goodnight reader(s) I'm off to club bed
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| summer 2008 is coming to an end... |
[08-31-08 @ 11:33pm] |
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mood |
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creative |
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I have not updated in awhile.
geez!
well good news is I'm almost done with my AA bad news is I'm still trying to learn how to drive ughhh!!
I did my nails yesterday, I've never had acrylix (sp?) before and its something I can easily get used to, I meean they're not that long and omg they're so cute! ^___^
I've had a very interesting summer, a love interest, then a bruised heart , then universal, and then a bruised ego (not me lol ;P ) and now I'm just trying to pick up where I left off I think. my room is all nice and clean! I love it!
that was random but this entry is all kinds of random. I think.
I feel a big change coming on, wish my luck would ya?
also I'm learning french! I'll talk dirty you all later
oui!
( and just for fun here some pics )
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| OMG |
[02-06-08 @ 11:59pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
] |
why is the world filled with so many angry cunts? LMAO
is it sexual frustration?
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| why is it so hard? |
[09-28-07 @ 3:15pm] |
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mood |
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 embarrassed |
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I have the worse trouble facing people I like. To the point that I can't even look them in they eyes; its strange I just feel like a hermit. I really need to start getting over that.
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| :( |
[08-21-07 @ 5:06am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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why are people so cruel on those who just want to be different?
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[07-31-07 @ 2:04am] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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paramore |
] |
I got a facebook the other day in request of Cass and for some reason I can't login, neither can I find her or kiko :/
gimme your links guys! <33
I dyed, cut,bleached and then dyed my hair again the other day. then I hung out with Janice and got some R&R at McDonalds although I swore I'd never eat there again
I didn't eat meat but I got a 6 piece chicken happy meal
the hellokitty toy tempted me to do it lol
I AM OFFICIALY ON VACATION
expect me to update more often
..hopefully!♥
also I got an xbox 360 elite today, omfg DOA 4 is pretty freaking hard to beat! I made it to the final boss with Ayane and then let my brother handle her after losing like 4 times haha
I also saw the Dead or Alive movie wow..if Mortal Kombat had a sister sequel movie, THAT would be it.
still though it was as addictive and I saw it again lol I especially love the Tina and her dad scenes were she's put in these situations where her dad thinks she's gone lezzi LOL
alot has happened this week but I don't feel like updating now about it since I'm tired so im off to bed!
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| I want to go back in time, back to 1995~ |
[04-25-07 @ 1:20pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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I'm in a library, the only music I hear are ringtones lol |
] |
I miss the past today for some reason. Must be the weather but I feel very nostalgic and kinda inspired. I've been really lazy as of late, not exercising not enjoying good night of sleep and oversleeping in the morning. I started thinking of stuff I did on days like this, the sun is like so bright and the weather feels good. I used to go outside and play on that swing that was attached to this huge tree we have on the front lawn or toss a ball for some odd reason high into the air and see if I could catch it. *sigh* I'm getting old lol. I mean I look young but I'll be 20 next year. not 20-teen T-w-e-n-t-y. It feels I dunno, odd.
yesterday I found out my coworker who is from columbia is 27 and he looks 22 or younger, but I did notice his hairline was reciding a bit so I was like omg I wonder how old people really are.
there's this boy in one of my classes he has a really young face, and he's really cute not gonna lie haha he has the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen... oh yeah going off track here! haha anyways, I noticed he wears hats alot and then I saw one day a bald spot on the back of his head! thing is lately he has been growing his hair back so the bald spot disappeared but I mean I still have no idea how old this guy is lol maybe he's 19 or maybe he's 27 haha!
college is strange, and oh so absorbant. the AIDS walk was last week and sadly I missed it, I had planned to go with my mom who was up for it but no I forgot with all the stressful study I have put these last 4 weeks I have forgotten completely about it. This Saturday is the March of Dimes and thats another thing I'd like to do but I can't do that either because its the same day as my brother's graduation and that to be honest is a bit more important. I'm not gonna miss out on an important day or my family for something that I can do next year. that sounds cold but its the truth. :/
so far thigs have been okay. I have been thinking about the highschool kids lol probably stressing about prom right about now~ah can't believe that was me just 1 year ago lol time really does fly.
...ew, why do people wear sunglasses indoors? come on people seriously this is a library not a nightclub.
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| it makes me happy |
[02-16-07 @ 4:48pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
I kinda used to find it so corny when people (mainly guys) would go on about how much they love thier girlfriend and shit.
I used to be like
damn..thats so gay lolol
but I guess its because I didn't see it come from guys who truly mean it from the heart and I dunno.
I feel men who truly show that side of themself, and get all "emo" or whatever is actually very romantic. It actually makes me happy, because I guess it makes me realize they're human. does that sound dumb? I always felt men where like hard shells and it was impossible to get that side of them, but it seems now more than ever men are more vunerable and open and well that makes me happy.
lol random post hah
HAPPY LATE VALENTINES! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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| Today was unbelievable. |
[01-31-07 @ 5:23pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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nadda its a library! lol |
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So I stayed up last night finishing that paper due on Monday on Sophocles's play "Antigone", what was funny is I was half done and after I read the comment Cass weirded left me I somehow got the inspiration to finish it. So today in class the teacher brought the subject up again and well I raised my hand and asked him if I could turn my paper in late. He then says "Hmm, well I'd ahve to think about it, I would say No seeing as how the people who did turn in the pages on Monday looking all exhausted from spending thier weekend writing this paper , hmm but on the other hand it would not be very fair if I were to just neglect the paper you took time to write, I'd have to think about it."
and then he dropped the bomb
he asked the class what he should do.
and I'm like oh shit, I'm bone. this class who worked hard in turning in thier essays on time who actualy did it this weekend are gonna either be silent (as in uh no) or just plainly say no.
and then a miracle happened.
they said yes :O
absolutly astounded and so grateful I'm like "oh my god god bless thier little hearts!"
then the teacher asks well then should I lower it a letter grade?
the guy I knew in class (who's this friend of my brothers is like "yes!") and I'm like well okay I deserve it, but the craziest thing happens next
everyone starts saying no!
me:":O"
me thinking "OHMAHGAH!"
and well I guess I have to say THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH TO WHOEVER STOOD UP FOR ME TODAY, MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
so yeah, my teacher then goes well alright, if there is anyone else in here who has the courage like Yonne to give me thier paper, turn it in now because I will be accepting it."
Wow
I can't believe how little faith I started to have in people, I'm so sorry world! today really opened my eyes. I should remember this always and return the favor whenever they or whomever in return needs it. I mean its not like I've been the worst book, in fact I do sometimes go out of my way to help others, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't go further.
which is why I'm doing this, this year.
http://aidswalk.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=185930&lis=1&kntae185930=5B3B4034E167410CBE5A4109BA9D6D17&team=1747158
If I don't do it, then I will definetly donate.
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| AAHHHHHHHHH! The entry part 4675767 |
[01-29-07 @ 10:51pm] |
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mood |
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and aggravated |
] |
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music |
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30 seconds to Mars- From Yesterday |
] |
I think being in college is the worst idea ever now LOL
I have gotten so lazy, I had two papers due that I managed to flake off and not do them, a test this thursday on the current chapter I barely took an hour to study on, and a presentation paper due next month along with a typed up essay due tomorrow. Fuck I'm so screwed.
And its my fault.
I let myself fall into temptation, but I mean I'm young who doesn't want to spend the weekend going out and having fun?
I dunno I need some miracle to straighten myself up, I realize that I need to be a bit harder on myself but also forgiving too. I really have to take it easy, and start focusing because if I don't accomplish these stupid courses now I eventually never will. I don't want to repeat any course, I haven't yet and I don't want to in the future. I want to get the hell out of Miami-Dade ASAP, move out of state and really focus on what I want to do with myself for the rest of my life. I just realized, I can't have it all. I don't think anyone can, unless they dedicate themselves and straighten up.
I rant here alot, usually to unload my stress. I'm sorry to whoever reads this and gets a headache lol its so odd how everytime I write I suddenly feel alot better.
oh btw I got my hair really light, it worked! first thing I've accomplished to not give up on this year and I'm sorta proud :)
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| whoa. |
[01-07-07 @ 5:35pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
] |
new pokemon frightens me.
right now one of them just went nutzo and ran to a tree and started to bash its head on it going back and forth out of frustration (sexual?) I dunno. Anyway then Ash goes "Its okay Septile we all have bad days" and then the Septile responds like "SEPTOMSEPTOM" in a tone like "LIFE SUCKS YOU IDEIOT" LOL
I have to stop watching Cartoon Network and start cleaning my room
I'm so bored.
The week still sucks.
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